I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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