He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
