I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
