yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
