Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
