Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life is so much better after having sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
