there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize