Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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