no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
two words...techno handjob
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
