I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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