Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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