she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
