I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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