the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
