she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
