mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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