Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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