to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
