nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
