i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
