I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
