I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
