I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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