Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
