I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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