i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize