why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
