Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize