When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
