this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
