I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize