sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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