I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
