wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was like eating out sand paper
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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