I cut my penus on the lid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
