The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
