upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
