I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
