I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
