I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh god it's open bar.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
