in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
