Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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