you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
