Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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