you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
