Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
