Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
