i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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