So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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