Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
