there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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