my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
