dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
