Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
