its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Enjoy the penises
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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