its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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