Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I could fuck to npr.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
