I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
