How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
