I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
