I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
