Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
