I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
