My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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