your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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