You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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