Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
