My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
