what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
