FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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