we're chasing vodka with high fives
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
