my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize