We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So many bounce houses so little time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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