hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
