I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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