once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
