I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
