My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
