Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
