It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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