I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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