Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
