I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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