I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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