Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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