there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
